It did not fall apart in some dramatic way.
It started, as these things often do, in a meeting.
A senior leader I partnered with told me about a moment she almost missed. Her Head of Strategy, someone sharp, usually vocal, full of energy, had gone quiet. Not completely silent, just… dialled down. Less challenge. Fewer questions. Still doing the work, still showing up, but the energy had shifted.
She told herself it was a busy period. Everyone has off weeks. That he would “come around”.
Months later, when a major initiative stalled, the truth came out. He had felt shut out, hurt, even, after being excluded from an early decision he normally would have helped shape. She had not realised. And he had not said anything.
That is the thing with trust. It does NOT always break with noise or drama. Sometimes, it just quietly slips out the side door while we are busy doing other things.
By the time most leaders realise trust has eroded, it is already affecting performance, morale, and engagement.
BUT there is good news: trust leaves a trail. If you know what to look for, you can catch the shift early, before the distance calcifies into disconnection.
This week, I want to share what I have seen are the early signs and how to repair the cracks before they become chasms.
Trust doesn’t explode, it leaks
The signs are rarely dramatic. But they are consistent.
Trust leaks might look like:
- A missed commitment that no one circles back to. The person doesn’t bring it up. Neither do you. But they remember.
- A brief moment of defensiveness when someone gives you feedback. You explain it away. They feel dismissed.
- Unintended favouritism. Spending more time with one team member than others. Do it enough time and the rest of the team begin to check out, silently.
- Going quiet during a hectic period. Your silence is read as disinterest, not busyness.
These are common. They are human. But they are not harmless.
These, and other moments like these, matter because they shape our internal maps of what is safe, fair, or consistent. Trust is built through micro-signals: a look, a tone, a check-in.
When those patterns shift, people feel it, even if they do not have words for it.
Trust is like your IT infrastructure
Most of the time, you do not think about it. It runs quietly in the background, enabling everything else.
Until something breaks. And boy, when it breaks, it breaks!
Then it is urgent, expensive, and it halts progress across the board.
But effective leaders and smart organisations do not wait for a full system crash. They run diagnostics. They patch vulnerabilities. They ask questions before the problem becomes visible to everyone else.
Trust works the same way in teams.
As a leader, your job is NOT to maintain the illusion of perfect relationships. It is to monitor the health of connection, the little signals in the system that tell you something might be off.
Trust is personal.
One person defines trust as reliability: “You do what you said you would do.”
Another sees it as care: “You check in with me when you sense something is up.”
Someone else needs transparency: “You don’t make decisions that affect me without bringing me in.”
You cannot assume trust means the same thing to everyone on your team. It is a patchwork, not a painting.
As a leader, this is where your work shifts from process to presence.
Pay attention to the trust cues your people offer. Some will tell you directly what they need. Others will show you, through withdrawal, over-agreement, or sudden detachment.
So ask yourself:
- What does trust look like for this individual?
- What helps them feel safe, respected, and engaged?
- How do they behave when trust is strong, and what shifts when it starts to fade
That level of curiosity is not just diagnostic. It is relational. And often, it is the start of repair.
Spot it early by observing, not reacting
Leaders do not need to be mind-readers. But they do need to become quiet observers of human behaviour and especially their own.
Instead of waiting for breakdowns or emotional outbursts, train yourself to notice the shift in rhythm:
- Has the energy changed in your one-on-ones?
- Is someone suddenly ‘just getting on with it’, without the usual spark? Or as Americans like to call it “phoning it in” when they show up for work.
- Are you feeling slightly more defended or less generous around certain people?
These are not accusations. They are cues.
Trust does not usually disappear in one moment. It really does drains slowly, unless you catch it and address it.
Return to self-trust first
This blog series started with the foundation of leadership: trusting yourself.
Without it, everything else gets shaky.
When self-trust is low, leaders tend to over-explain, justify, or avoid. They lose their edge for noticing subtle shifts, and delay hard conversations until things become unmanageable.
But when you are grounded in your own instincts, you speak up sooner. You do not need a crisis to justify a check-in.
Self-trust gives you permission to say:
- “I think I got that wrong.”
- “That felt off. Did you feel it too?”
- “I want to clear the air, not because I have to, but because this relationship matters.”
Self-trust is not ego. It is the foundation that allows vulnerability and clarity to coexist. Without it, trust cannot thrive, internally or externally.
How to repair trust when it slips
The good news? You do not need a strategy document. Just a willingness to show up.
Here is a simple (but powerful) repair sequence: AAA
Acknowledge
“I sensed something shifted after that debrief. Did I miss something?”
Apologise
Not the corporate kind. Just real. “If I came across as dismissive, that wasn’t my intention. I am sorry.”
Adjust
“Let’s agree on how we handle these decisions going forward. I will do better.”
This takes courage. But courage is quieter than you think. It often sounds like a brief check-in, a moment of honesty, a question asked early.
And if someone brings the issue to you first? Listen. Do not get defensive (I know, I know, it is TOUGH), but practice. Do not explain your side immediately. Thank them and ask if they would be open to your perspective. Sometimes people really do just want to vent and share their hurt. Honour that. It is why you are the leader. And leadership brings responsibility.
That moment is a gift, an opportunity to build more trust than you had before.
You will slip. That is not the problem.
You are going to get it wrong sometimes. We all do. I have done so myself.
Trust is not built on perfection. It is built on recovery. The old saying of “It is not the problem, but how you deal with the problem”. It is about what you do from that moment on.
The most resilient, high-trust teams are not the ones with zero conflict. They are the ones where people feel safe enough to bring it up, clear it, and move forward. Fast.
That kind of safety starts with you. The leader. Your energy, your awareness, your willingness to check in even when it is awkward or unclear.
Leadership is not a checklist. It is a relationship. And trust is its quiet heartbeat.
So when something feels off, a tone, a silence, a shift, pay attention.
Trust the signal.
Trust yourself.
And take the next step.
And as always, if you invest in yourself, the rewards will be unfathomable.
Until next time.
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